"On Grief, Loss, & Suicide | Dr. K explains" takeaways

Disconnection hurts

I have written so much about my darkest, most difficult days containing the feeling of not being tethered to the world. I struggled so often with suicidal ideation back then. When I felt connected thanks to meeting two very special people, and also thanks to my Dad who assured me he will love me and support me in every way even through the harshest failure I may achieve, my bouts of suicidal ideation near ceased.

Connect with people. Love people. Let them love you. Learn from them on how to love yourself. In loving yourself learn how to love others. It heals us. It treats us. It gives us strength to proceed and grow.

As a world we need to do better

There is only so much I can do. As a world we need to do better. The world has to educate themselves on mental health so we abuse less. So we reach out more. So we empathize more. So we listen more. So we give a hand more. So we strengthen ourselves more. So we strengthen the world.

There is too few fighting against this epidemic and we are struggling really badly. We need more people. We need more fighters. The few of us can only do so much. Oh, god, I can only do so much. Please let it not be in vain.

Commonalities between Byron AKA “Reckful” and my loved ones with mental health detriments

I do not claim to know Byron. I’ve been reading his tweets. A lot of them were about feeling lonely and feeling happy only when with his friends. One about feeling lonely even when surrounded by people.

Of his last tweets was his proposal to the one person he most likely actually felt connected with, and he posted about advice on never letting love like that go.

Disconnection is deadly.

Another common thing I found between him and someone I know who has attempted suicide is daily life, its monotony, repetition, actually causes them so much pain.

In one of his streams he talks about boredom being the worst most difficult thing for him.

I saw his recent posts grasping at future days of being with friends again, saying how he is not okay in the isolation of quarantine due to COVID-19. Disconnection is deadly.

“Misplaced priorities” or “cringe” may be due to mania

I have a loved one who at times gets into bouts of hyperfixating on a task that doesn’t seem to help them where they get severely anxious, self-loathing, and upset. I learned that is most possibly what is called “mania.”

It’s sickening to think that people can mistake mania for conscious “misplacing priorities” or “laziness to do what actually needs to be done.”

Mania is real.

On the counter-productivity of condemning aggravators

It’s more sickening realizing that I have mocked people to my friend about people online who seem to do “embarassing things,” AKA “cringe behavior” (e.g., I would have mocked Byron’s “online proposal” because I didn’t know him aside from that standalone post) and a lot of them can be due to mania and mental illness.

I’m learning a lot of things.

I already knew considering having certain interests “cringe” was nonsense, but now I’m learning that certain embarassing or behavior that seems damaging isn’t basis for punishment, i.e. mockery and ridicule.

I should have known. I already knew punishment isn’t effective. It just took me this long to connect the dots that are ridicule and punishment.

Now people are piling on the users who responded to Byron with ridicule. Calling people out and then dogpiling with, yet again, shame and punishment seems responsible at first glance until you realize a troll that Byron once called out explained himself as also depressed and trolling because:

“its fucked up but it probably makes me feel better."

Screenshot of troll’s message on Byron’s stream.

I am just now learning that everyone needs help and empathy and nobody needs any more punishment and shame because neither ever helped anybody.

I am so late to the party but I am glad to be learning these things anyway.

A Twitter user who responded to Byron with ridicule being dogpiled responds to the question, “How you feel. Lemme know” with, “harassed and tired of death threats wbu” Counter-productive behavior.

A now deleted Twitter response to Byron’s post being replied to with “I know I shouldn’t say this I hope the life that was taken away was yours instead of his.” Another user replies to that with, “No i think everyone is totally fine with you saying this.” The original responder these replies were directed to replies to them, “i do agree with you there, also it was needed, much love” More counter-productive behavior.

A Twitter reply which states, “Just do what I did; report the tweet and the user. He doesn’t realize that actions have consequences. When he’s actually applying for jobs and they run background checks, this stuff will come up. Don’t pay him any more attention, he doesn’t deserve it. Yet again the response is punishment.

A Twitter reply to Byron’s post which states, “This was his last grasp at happiness and everyone spit in his face because he was desperate. Now the same people are making rip reckful tweets Ridicule for people learning from their mistake. Why would people wanna learn then?

Some responses also come off as people subconsciously feeling they’ve been granted an opportunity to feel above the others who didn’t understand Byron and responded negatively to him. Again, ridicule and punishment.

It’s only now starting to be really clear to me that fighting fire with fire isn’t working.

Byron’s Twitter post, “ahh, i feel bad for anyone who has to deal with my insanity”. A reply states, “just pull the trigger already”. To which another replies, “You should do it yourself”. Yet another responds to this with, “No he shouldn’t. Don’t make the same mistake. A glimmer of hope.

A Twitter post which states, “So wait, someone killed themselves (tragic) and the answer is to send hateful messages to others online? Seems pretty backwards. Social media is a big reason why suicide is up so much in the last decade. More hope.

I used to love shading many people online by saying “would it kill them to not be edgy?” But then I realized they’re probably depressed, have some sort of mental condition, or have gone through/are going through painful life events that makes things hard for them.

Because I have a loved one who is a bit similar to that case, but also not. Only “edgy” in ways such as cold argumentative-ness but not in discarding morals and common decency.

People respond to pains in different ways to add.

A friend and I agreed on a trend we noticed in ourselves and in others where negativity (e.g. tendency to rant about everything, being difficult with people) happens when the person is fucked over from going through struggles in life.

I mean, I should’ve known. But it’s a lot easier to just hate people who are difficult because they can cause pain as well.

Ultimately, yes, people are still responsible for the pains they cause others.

But condemning the idea of letting anybody help said people because of that fault does not help anyone.

Not everyone has the strength to be the one to give them help. But that help will help said people struggling, and in turn, may prevent those people from causing more hurt to others.

So yeah. As the quotes say, “spread love not hate.”

Seeking to understand can be a very painful process, I acknowledge that. Not everyone should do it, because people are affected differently.

Alright. Let’s sum that up.